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Raising Cain: Protecting the Emotional Life of Boys, by Dan Kindlon, Michael Thompson
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In Raising Cain, Dan Kindlon, Ph.D., and Michael Thompson, Ph.D., two of the country's leading child psychologists, share what they have learned in more than thirty-five years of combined experience working with boys and their families. They reveal a nation of boys who are hurting--sad, afraid, angry, and silent. Kindlon and Thompson set out to answer this basic, crucial question: What do boys need that they're not getting? They illuminate the forces that threaten our boys, teaching them to believe that "cool" equals macho strength and stoicism. Cutting through outdated theories of "mother blame," "boy biology," and "testosterone," the authors shed light on the destructive emotional training our boys receive--the emotional miseducation of boys.
Kindlon and Thompson make a compelling case that emotional literacy is the most valuable gift we can offer our sons, urging parents to recognize the price boys pay when we hold them to an impossible standard of manhood. They identify the social and emotional challenges that boys encounter in school and show how parents can help boys cultivate emotional awareness and empathy--giving them the vital connections and support they need to navigate the social pressures of youth.
- Sales Rank: #9654 in Books
- Brand: PBS
- Published on: 2000-04-04
- Released on: 2000-04-04
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.30" h x .70" w x 5.50" l, .55 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 298 pages
Features
Amazon.com Review
Reviving Ophelia, Mary Pipher's groundbreaking book, exposed the toxic environment faced by adolescent girls in our society. Now, from the same publisher, comes Raising Cain: Protecting the Emotional Life of Boys by Dan Kindlon and Michael Thompson, which does the same for adolescent boys. Boys suffer from a too-narrow definition of masculinity, the authors assert as they expose and discuss the relationship between vulnerability and developing sexuality, the "culture of cruelty" boys live in, the "tyranny of toughness," the disadvantages of being a boy in elementary school, how boys' emotional lives are squelched, and what we, as a society, can do about all this without turning "boys into girls." "Our premise is that boys will be better off if boys are better understood--and if they are encouraged to become more emotionally literate," the authors assert. As a tool for change, Kindlon and Thompsom present the well-developed "What Boys Need," seven points that reach far beyond the ordinary psychobabble checklist and slogan list. Kindlon (researcher and psychology professor at Harvard and practicing psychotherapist specializing in boys) and Thompson (child psychologist, workshop leader, and staff psychologist of an all-boys school) have created a chilling portrait of male adolescence in America. Through personal stories and theoretical discussion, this well-needed book plumbs the well of sadness, anger, and fear in America's teenage sons. --Ericka Lutz
From Publishers Weekly
A genuine enthusiasm for their subject shines through the pages of this enormously compelling book, as the authors share insights on boys' emotional development from birth through the college yearsAan increasingly high-profile topic in the wake of disheartening statistics about adolescent suicide and violence. In much the same way that Reviving Ophelia offered new models for raising girls, therapists Kindlon and Thompson argue that boys desperately need a new standard of "emotional literacy," showing how our culture's dominant masculine stereotypes shortchange boys and lead them toward emotional isolation. The authors turn a spotlight on the inner lives of boys, debunking preconceptions about gender, explaining the importance of nurturing communication skills and empathy in boys as well as girls, and steering boys toward a manhood of emotional attachment, not stoicism and solitude. They also challenge the ways in which, in their view, traditional school environments put boys at a disadvantage (why not hold off on reading instruction a year or two? they ask; why not five short recesses a day?). Such issues as drinking, drugs and the "culture of cruelty" among adolescents, in which "anything a boy says or does can and will be used against him," also meet with sensitive treatment. Separate chapters examine the relationships between fathers and sons and mothers and sons, and show how these can be protected and redefined. This thoughtful book is recommended for parents, teachers or anyone with a vested interest in raising happy, healthy, emotionally whole young men. Agent, Gail Ross of Lichtman, Trister, Singer and Ross.
Copyright 1999 Reed Business Information, Inc.
Review
"Brilliant . . . This affectionate, encouraging book should be require reading for anyone raising--or educating--a boy."
--The Washington Post
"Raising Cain gives a long-needed insight into that mysterious, magical land, the psyches of boys. Every parent, teacher--or anyone who wants boys to flourish--should read this book."
--DANIEL GOLEMAN
Author of Emotional Intelligence
"ENORMOUSLY COMPELLING . . . In much the same way that Reviving Ophelia offered new models for raising girls, therapists Kindlon and Thompson argue that boys desperately need a new standard of 'emotional literacy.' . . . This thoughtful book is recommended for parents, teachers, or anyone with a vested interest in raising happy, healthy, emotionally whole young men."
--Publishers Weekly (starred review)
"RAISING CAIN HELPS US UNDERSTAND THE INNER LIVES OF BOYS MUCH AS MARY PIPHER'S REVIVING OPHELIA SHED LIGHT ON THE STRUGGLE OF THE ADOLESCENT GIRL."
--The Tampa Tribune-Times
Most helpful customer reviews
2 of 2 people found the following review helpful.
Very useful book.
By Babalon
This is a very interesting and well written book. I am a mother of 2 boys and this book actually gave me some great insight into how their minds work. My husband enjoyed it a lot too. It's a great book to have for parents of boys of all ages.
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful.
Helpful if you are interacting with boys (and men...) on a regular basis
By Rio Vista Momma
Insightful. Easy to read. Helpful. Betweenthe grandson, 1 preschool class, and K-1 class I suddenly have a lot of little boys in my life. This book not only is helping me with them - it's helping me understand my husband and sons-in-law.
8 of 8 people found the following review helpful.
Astute and practical
By Gene Zafrin
For anyone involved in their upbringing, boys present a number of peculiar challenges. They are disproportionally likely to inflict violence on themselves or others (for example, they account for over 80% of suicides and 95% of homicides in their age groups), they are more likely to use alcohol and drugs, they mature and develop some cognitive skills (such as reading and writing prowess) later than the girls their age, they are much more physical than girls (which cannot be truly accommodated by the educational environment in most schools today). To top it all, boys do not really know how to talk about their feelings, so they are unlikely to identify their emotional problems, let alone find a way of resolving them.
The book's merit extends beyond pointing out that the problem exists. The authors suggest some practical ways of helping today's boys. It is respecting their feelings and approaching them more with questions rather than answers and suggestions to tough it out. It is trying to create a loving and safe atmosphere, where boys are more likely to risk opening up. It is helping them create emotive vocabulary, which would help them articulate how they feel. It is creating opportunities for safe failure, which would help boys get to know themselves. It is having some safe places where boys could spend their energy (such as a basement gym or a neighborhood basketball court). It is teaching them emotional courage and empathy, which could help them recognize who they are and build character.
Insightful, well articulated and timely. A great book.
See all 257 customer reviews...
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